Finally made it back...

It's hard to believe that my last blog was over a month ago! Life has been good but CRAZY! But weight loss on the other hand is another story all together!

But before I get too into it, I want to say a special thank you to Midori Mighty Warrior at http://fatasiangal.blogspot.com for giving the Cherry on Top Award.
As with every award, there are some rules that you have to follow which I will get to tomorrow but just wanted to say thanks to Midori!

Now to get back to my story, My diet/change of life stuff has not been going well at all. I feel like a failure. I do good for a couple of days then get frustrated and go back to my old habits. Every Sunday I say I'm going to start my diet tomorrow..and tomorrow never comes.

So I decided that I'm not going to diet anymore--I'm just going to stay fat. Why not? My husband loves me, my kids love me, and my family all love me the way that I am so why change??

But do I love myself?

That's a hard question to answer. Do I love myself? As I keep asking myself this question over and over again, I'm not real sure that I do. After all, what is there for me to love about me? I'm over 100 pounds over weight! Maybe this is party of my problem that I need to work on.

So then I thought..what's the reason for losing weight and here is what I cam up with.
Reasons to NOT lose the weight:
1. Scared of failure
2. Uncomfortable working out in public

Reasons TO lose the weight:
1. To be able to be active with my family
2. To have energy
3. To live long
4. To have confidence
5. To feel that I'm not just a fat girl
6. To not have to shop in plus size stores

The list goes on and on but it's getting late and I need to get to bed. I just with there was a fools proof guide to losing weight! I have never felt so overwhelmed and discouraged! I want this weight to come off so badly but just don't know how to get myself motivated and stay motivated.

Six years ago my daddy decided to have back surgery from an injury that he got at work and a week after his surgery he developed a blood clot and passed away..my daddy was 49 years old (2 weeks shy of being 50), which is young, too young to be taken from your family. In SO many ways I want to be like my daddy. I want to have his loving & kind words, his warm hugs, his contiguous laughs, his passion for his faith. I think that I am like him in one way-we were the world to my daddy--and my family is my world. But I don't want it all to be taken from me at such a young age..

That's why I need to do this, I just don't know how. I usually have a plan but have no plan as of right now.

My weight today is 254 pounds. My goal is to lose at least 2 pounds this week. And hopefully one day this week I'll get Nick to measure me so I can update my measurements.

Until next time...